Recovery is the bridge between who you were and who you choose to be…


I started 2015 strong, clear, focused, and ready to be, live, and grow off the porch. February came, and about mid-way through, I fell flat on my butt!  Getting Off the Porch is my truth, and I had to share that truth with you, because I am human just like you.  About six months ago, I signed up to go to a workshop in February called, “Get Unstuck, Be Unstoppable”.  I actually thought about not going, but something in my spirit was saying you need to go to this workshop.  I had a really tough parenting week (completely fell apart over a missing printer cable), was feeling kind of blah (hadn’t figured out why), and actually prayed that the workshop would do “something” to bring me out of my funk.  There were over 100 people at the workshop, and the energy alone was beginning to lift my spirit.  As the workshop began, I was really open to receiving a message or breakthrough.  I really needed something specifically for me.  About half way through, it happened.  Valorie Burton (my mentor in my head) said something that completely hit home for me.  She said, “Sometimes we let go of control or things that keep us stuck in some areas of our lives, and then re-focus that control somewhere else”.

And BAM it hit me.

As I’ve mentioned, my journey off the porch led me to make some monumental changes in my life.  I’ve done an amazing job at letting go of the things that kept me stuck like perfectionism and overcompensating, but without realizing it, I refocused that energy on being a perfect parent in an imperfect situation overcompensating so I would have perfectly happy children.  Because I was the agent of so much change, I thought it was my responsibility, and that it was in my power and control to make sure that my children adjusted perfectly.

I took pride in this, because though I had accepted imperfection for myself (or so I thought), I did not accept it in regards to my children.  So when that printer cord went missing, and my daughter spoke to me in a disrespectful tone, and my son made a passive aggressive comment to me the next morning;  I went into my room, got in my bed, and cried my eyes out.  I didn’t know why I was so upset, but my heart ached.

It was in the middle of that workshop that it clicked for me…the first sign that I was not in control of my children or how perfectly I have chosen to parent them, I fell apart at the seams.

Acknowledging that was so powerful for me, and then I slowly started to recognize another area of my life that was holding me back.  

My perfectly imperfect jewels

My perfectly imperfect jewels at the top of Stone Mountain

I allowed myself to be in a situation that wasn’t comfortable for me, and ultimately led me back to the porch.  My spirit became so uncomfortable that I could not write or work, so I knew I would be led to move sooner than later.  I decided that I didn’t want to be stuck in familiar places of “perfection”, “settling” or “unrealistic expectations” for myself or with my children.  The first step was to deal with my kids, so I woke my kids up on a really nice day, and I took them to climb Stone Mountain.  As we reached the top, we all sat together, and I had a heart to heart with all three of them!  I told them about my breakthrough.  I told them that disrespect in any form is unacceptable in our family from them or me. I then apologized for trying to be perfect in an imperfect situation.  Finally, I thanked them for loving me through all of my imperfection.  About a week or so later, I made a decision to change my situation, and I made a promise to myself to live my truth no matter how uncomfortable, scary, or imperfect it is.  It is my responsibility to myself and the calling on my life!  So today, I start March off the porch again; clear, strong, a little scared, sometimes lonely, and laser focused.

Fall down, and get back up again…period!

My take away(s):

  1. It took a lot of work and courage to get off the porch, face my truth, walk in faith, and live authentically.  However, I learned that the work to live off the porch never stops.
  2. I really understand why addicts, for the rest of their lives, refer to themselves as “in recovery”. I believe we are all “in recovery” when learning to live an authentic existence. Just like with any addiction, we hide from our truth, stay in “safe” or “unhealthy” situations, and many times lose ourselves because of the fear associated with facing our realities.  The addiction to “perfection”, “settling”, and “overcompensation” is an ongoing process of recovery.

My challenge for you:

  1. Identify one area that you remain stuck.  We all have at least one…
  2. List all of the reasons you are still stuck in that one area. Be completely honest with yourself.
  3. Choose one item on your list that you can work on to move you one step closer to being unstuck in that area. Take that one step today!