“Let your faith be bigger than your fears” -Anonymous

I believe you go through life on auto pilot.  You go to school, you get a job, some of us get married, have kids, buy the beautiful house, work hard at the amazing career, or work hard just to pay the bills, but ultimately it happens.  God, the universe, or plain old life hits you with a boulder.  You get lost in either the drama or mundane of everyday life, and then the boulder knocks you on your ass. To top that off, getting knocked on your ass is not enough, now you have to fight the fight of your life to get off your ass, and guess who you are fighting?  YOU!

At first you want to blame everyone and everything for where you find yourself.  The boss that never considers you for promotions.  The spouse that doesn’t understand you, or has moved on without you.  The kids that take you for granted.  The family members that use and abuse you.  The friends that are too busy for you.  But come on…really…isn’t it you that you are afraid to face?  Isn’t it you that has allowed life to happen to you?  Isn’t it you that took a back seat to everyone and everything?  Isn’t it you that lost your voice?  Isn’t it you that you are really afraid of?  What I know for sure is until you own your part for where you find yourself in life, you will remain knocked on your ass, and life will continue to pass you by.

How do I know, because it happened to me.  I got knocked on my ass, and I had to fight my way back on my feet.  How?  By facing the biggest fear I had about myself.  The fear that I was not perfect.  While on my ass I realized I was not the perfect friend, and that I had let quite a few people down during my own quest for perfection.  I realized I was not the perfect wife, and that my heart and his was sad and lonely.  I realized I was not the perfect parent, and had missed some crucial moments when my kids needed me.  I realized I was not the perfect daughter, sister, niece, or aunt.  I realized that I was human, and my life was no more perfect than I was.  While on my ass, I cried so many tears, and all of these realities kept pulling me down each time I tried to get up.  Until I slowly began to realize it was ok.  I actually began to not only accept my imperfection, but embrace my “humanness”.  The power I once gave away to others, was no longer theirs.  I got to my knees, half way up, and declared that yes I am broken, and bruised, but I am here.  Guess what?  The world didn’t end.  My kids still loved me.  My family, my friends they still loved me.  So then I stood up tall and I owned every mistake, every bruise, every battle, every pain, every tear and I reclaimed my power…my heart…and my responsibility for my own happiness.  It was so hard, and while on my ass, I questioned if it was worth all the tears and pain it took to get back up, and the answer is simply yes!

I can honestly say I’ve been living off my ass for quite some time now.  At one point during Thanksgiving dinner we all began to share what we were thankful for, and someone directly affected by my falling and getting up off my ass said, “Thank you for your honesty”. Those words and the tears of gratitude felt by all that were at that table validated the journey…I am here, I am standing, I am far from perfect, and I am living, which has in turn pushed and allowed those I love most in my life to be imperfect and find their own piece of happy as well.

My Takeways:

  • Facing “me” was the biggest challenge I have ever had, but it was the best thing I ever did. Fear has been replaced with peace, and no person can take that away.  That is so POWERFUL.
  • The process of getting back up is so hard, especially when you don’t know how you fell in the first place. Trusting that you are strong and worthy of the outcome will give you the courage and strength to see it through and get off your ass once and for all.

My Challenge for you:

  • What is your biggest fear about yourself; that one thing that if people really knew, might change everything?  What could free you of that fear once and for all? Who could you share it with to test the waters…I promise you the sun will still rise, and you will grow just a little more courageous each time you reveal more and more of who you really are…It starts with honesty, first with yourself, and then the world.