Recently I had to acknowledge that I turned a corner and have no desire to be the “fixer” in my relationships anymore. When I was “on the porch” many of my relationships were predicated upon me fixing anything and everything that was wrong whether I was to blame or not. That included multiple phone calls, texts, letters, and literally me relentlessly trying to figure out what was awry and how I could fix it. Emotionally and mentally draining, and rather abusive to myself. Recently I realized that is not who I am anymore and some really special relationships are not as they once were, because when I stopped chasing they walked away, and that is okay. Perhaps they needed the space to be their own fixer. Perhaps the relationship wasn’t what I thought it was. Perhaps I did do something wrong, but they didn’t feel it important enough to let me in on what it might be. Whatever the case, I’ve learned to let go, and trust the journey…
Over the last several years, there have been several relationships that at one time I could not imagine not being in my life. In all of these relationships, they chose to walk away without explanation. Though it was heartbreaking, I also realized they were walking away for a reason, and instead of trying to fix it as I have in the past, I let the pieces fall where they lay. What I discovered was they were not chasing me, texting me, writing me letters or trying to figure out what was wrong, and now neither was I. Sometimes there is just no fixing to do, and you just have to let people go and celebrate what was.
Such a huge transition this has been for me and I really didn’t realize it was happening, but I am so grateful that it did. I show up in all of my relationships with honesty and love, and yes imperfection. I don’t get it right all the time, but I know without a doubt that the relationships that remain in my life don’t require me to be the fixer or fit in a space that I don’t belong. They are authentic and beautifully imperfect.
So what have I learned about being a recovering Fixer…
- Sometimes getting out of the way and allowing people the space to be their own fixer is not only best for them, but for me too.
- Authentic relationships don’t need fixing…they are what they are through all the ups, downs, and in between…and if given space, they will work themselves out.
- I’ve come a long way in my own personal journey, and it feels good!
Are you feeling like the fixer in a lot of your relationships? Are there relationships you need to let go of?
- Jot them down…
- Reflect on them….
- Take action…
Every step gets you closer (big or small). If you want some help along the way, I would love for you to join our Group Coaching Experience in January! There are only 10 spots, so don’t wait, sign up today!
