Today I was thinking about all of the loves of my life.  Well, there have only been a few (lol), but the common denominator of them all is that each of them provided exactly what my heart needed at the time.  This is hard to recognize when your heart is broken, and It is so easy to fall back into our brokenness when a relationship doesn’t work out.   Remember the old saying, “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”.  I believe this and have been very fortunate to love and be loved deeply in my lifetime.  If you have been on a self love healing journey like I have, it is important to recognize that it may not be your brokenness that needs attention any longer. Maybe it is time to trust your healing heart to know what it needs.   A very close sister friend reminded me of this recently…

This year I started dating someone that has been in and out of my life for the last four years.  There was an undeniable connection from our very first encounter, however, our lives and past experiences couldn’t be more different.  The red flags for both of us were apparent from the beginning, but this year we both chose to acknowledge the connection and take a chance on each other.  We both went into it with our eyes wide open knowing the odds were against us.  I believed in us and chose to throw caution to the wind untethered to the outcome.  In the end, the odds were greater than either of us were prepared for, and things didn’t work out.  

Yes, my heart was broken, but as I was sitting in the hurt, and starting to spiral into regret, my sweet sister friend reminded me of some of the things I gained over the past year.  I could do nothing but smile as the heaviness I was feeling instantly lifted.  She said, watching from the outside as your girlfriend, “I witnessed how you reclaimed your confidence, freedom, and your heart.”  A wave of gratitude took over me.  Instead of dwelling on the things that didn’t work, or the idea of settling for less than I deserve, I focused on what I received over the last year.  I was grateful that I got to see and experience a beautiful heart.  I was grateful that I was able to share my beautiful heart in a way that I wasn’t sure I could anymore.  I was grateful that I was able to experience intimacy in fun and exciting new ways.  I was grateful for the healthy lifestyle changes that he inspired.  I am healthier and in better shape than I was in my 20’s, and feel great from the inside out!  There was so much good that came from me willing to take a chance on love, and what I gained was a gift.  The gift of knowing I am not only capable of loving again, but can love someone unconditionally through all their imperfection.  The greatest gift, however, was knowing without a doubt that I deserve and desire to receive that same type of love from the right person in my next season.

Healing work is never ending, but sometimes familiar pain will trigger thoughts of brokenness.  I am not that broken girl that was stuck on the porch.  I let her go a long time ago.  A gentle reminder from my sister friend helped me break out of those old thought patterns that no longer serve or fit who I am now.  For you it could be a friend, a song, a therapy/coaching session, or maybe reading this blog post.  Whether it is a lost relationship, job, or friendship, maybe the experience came and left in the season that you needed it most.  Perhaps  it was the lessons that you were supposed to hold on to, not the pain, person or thing.  Maybe the ending is making room for a new beginning to emerge.  I believe that, and I am so grateful my heart is ready for love…