There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. –Denis Waitle

When you have to make a really huge decision, most times anxiety is a part of the process.  Anxiety usually reminds us of the enormity of the decision.  With any decision, there are options, but one thing is for sure, and that is if you don’t do something nothing will ever change.

About a year and a half ago, I was battling with making a huge decision in my life that would affect almost everyone in my life.  It even affected people outside of my inner circle in ways I never imagined. Honestly it took me about three years to actually get to the point where I realized there was no other choice.  Though the choice was heart wrenchingly painful and downright hard, the clarity of knowing what I needed to do was powerful.  Though the clarity was powerful, there were days (and still are) that I asked myself, “What the hell did you do?”

What I can say with all honesty is that I keep my heart and spirit open to receive the answer to “what the hell did you do?”, and the answer always comes in the most unpredictable moments. Recently I went to the movies with my daughter to see The Intern starring Robert De Niro.  He plays a retired senior citizen who interns with a millennial company with employees more than half his age.  It was a really sweet movie that showed the change in times, but showed the value of wisdom and why things were done the way they were done “back in the day”.   About mid-way through the movie, my daughter whispers to me and says, “The old guy reminds me of dad”.  She meant that in the sweetest of ways.  She was saying that her dad is a very traditional kind of guy that wears handkerchiefs in his pocket, and is a gentleman.  I agreed with her, but also commented on some of his fashion changes lately, which include colorful socks and bright colored shirts.  My daughter said, “Yeah I’m really proud of him.”  I then said, “Dad will never admit it, but I think some of the changes I’ve made have been really good for him as well”.  And then the unexpected validation came…and my daughter said,

“Mommy had you not made the changes you made, I would not have the relationship I have with dad, and I love our relationship now.”

My daughter had no idea, but my eyes filled with tears, and I realized that every tear, every doubt, and every struggle was worth hearing those words from my daughter.  Getting the courage to change almost every aspect of my life was the most agonizing journey, and that was because I felt responsible for creating this beautiful image of my family, and I was about to shatter everything that I and my family had come to rely upon so heavily.  I remember discussing my torment with one of my closest friends, and the fear that kept me paralyzed for years.  What did I do?  I prayed.  I prayed for God to give me signs, and I prayed that I would know what to do when those signs came.  Finally after a boat load of signs, I took a leap of faith, and prayed that one day I would hear those words from my daughter.  I still don’t have all the answers, nor do I want them.  I still have days when I wonder if there was another choice, but what I know in every fiber of my being is that I am responsible for my own happiness, and nothing will change, unless I have the courage to do something different.   Change is uncomfortable, it is disruptive, it shakes things up, it doesn’t always feel good, and sometimes it is downright messy.  The changes I made are still scary; however validation for me has come in so many forms.  My daughter’s words by far were the most powerful for me personally.  I’ve learned to trust my truth, and the validation I receive gives me more and more peace and confidence as new choices unfold.

My Takeaways:

• Taking a leap of faith takes courage, but if you are following your authentic truth and are faithful in the process, your validation will come.
• Live with your heart and spirit open to continue growing and receiving all that life intends for you.  You might not have all the answers now, but they will come…

My challenge for you:

What decision is gnawing at your soul?  I challenge you to write it down, and pray for clarity.  Be open to receive the signs that will follow.  Trust yourself to know “when you are ready” to make a change, because without a doubt, “you will know”, and there is no prize for moving faster than when you are ready.