To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance… Oscar Wilde
This month my theme has been the concept of falling in love with you…or should I say me. We often complain about how we are treated. How we are taken advantage of. How we are not heard. However, I believe generally people treat you the way you treat yourself. For so many years I put myself at the bottom of the priority list. I’m sure many of you can relate! I put my kid’s needs and wants before my own. I supported and listened to my husband’s dreams, and ignored my own. I supported friends and family in ways that compromised my spiritual health. I wasn’t very kind to myself, but was disappointed when others didn’t come through for me in ways I yearned for. How would they know based on how I treated myself? Don’t get me wrong, at the time I thought those choices made me happy. As the journey of life unfolds, your needs and desires change. Isn’t life cool in that way? At any point you can decide to be different! I am now ready for a new reality. In fact, one day recently I was shopping at Kohl’s and came across a silver ring that simply said faith. It was a size 6 which is usually too small, but it fit me like a glove. I put it on and decided it was just right! It was perfect because it would provide a daily reminder for me to have faith and explore myself and all that is there and yet to be discovered. I made a commitment to me! I decided that I was going to fall in love with me, because I’m a pretty cool, compassionate, passionate, fun, quirky, adventurous, chic! I actually enjoy my company and learning about myself. I just never took the time to do it before. Why? Because it was easier to hide behind unhealthy relationships and everyone else’s needs, rather than explore my own for fear of not being enough, unworthy, or alone. What I have found is balance. I still love being a support for my loved ones, but there are quite a few people that because I’ve given them the chance, are now my village of support. I’m learning to fly. I’m learning to take risks. I’m learning to put myself first, and put myself out there. I’m learning to be ok with being still. I’m learning that alone time is precious and the perfect opportunity to love, learn and grow from the inside out. I’m learning that being vulnerable, allows others to be there for you. I’m learning that people see me and want to know me now that I like and know myself. I’m gaining confidence, and I am more courageous than I ever thought imaginable.
So far in 2015 I launched my website and coaching practice. I have courageous clients who are making giant strides toward getting off the porch. I returned to school to get an additional coaching certification. I started my first book. I’ve reached out to potential business partnerships and was able to express my passion and calling to have them consider doing business with me. I started a private FB group which challenges people to stretch themselves: Mind, Body, and Soul. I’ve gained a few new friends and accountability partners. I took salsa lessons and went to two salsa parties. I went on spontaneous outings with good friends. I ran my first 5K race in 2015 with my daughter…Priceless! I fell down several times in various situations, and got back up again. I think that is what I am most proud of! Living perfectly is not attainable…falling down is actually where I’ve gained the most wisdom and growth.
My Take Away:
Falling in love with ME is as exciting, and scary as starting a new relationship with someone else. It takes time, patience, communication, kindness, vulnerability, and deep love. It takes the ability to own your mistakes, and make things better. It means you have to be brave when you find yourself in a lonely valley. It means to have faith that you are strong enough and worth fighting through the valley. Falling in love with me has been a pretty miraculous ride so far…
My Challenge for You:
Are you in love with yourself? Explore ways in which you take special care of yourself. If you can’t think of many examples that simply means it’s time to start treating yourself the way you want others to treat you. Now make a list of the things you would do if you were dating someone as remarkable as you, and then start doing those things for yourself! Buy yourself a trinket that can serve as a reminder each day. You will start smiling a lot more…I promise.
So happy for you Alicia! May God continue to bless you on your journey! I am sure many people can relate to what you are going through. I believe we are a WIP all thru our lives, learning and growing. One of the ways i try to keep a healthy love of self is by trying to envision myself as God sees me (the finished product).
Thanks for sharing yourself thru the gift of writing!
Thanks Marilyn!
This is beautiful. Living for yourself is important. We complain about the treatment we receive, not realizing that it does start with you. I have devoted myself to me.
Thanks so much Karelle. I think you’ve got it as well! You are beautiful inside and out and deserve to be devoted to YOU!
Bravo to you and your journey !
Thank you Stacye!
Alicia, this was amazing. You are truly coming into your own and I am thrilled. There are loads of lessons in the writing . Love yourself that is so key, when you love yourself it is evident and the world will see your light . Awesome
Thank you Norma! That means the world to me!
This is me, not loving myself for years, so how could I ever love anyone else, family, children, partner. Loving myself in ways no one else is going to love me. Am I wrong To want a love so strong that the ocean would be jealous. So I’m starting with me first. Thanks.
MiMi! It absolutely starts with you. You will be a better mother, partner, sister, and friend when you learn to love yourself the way you desire others to love you. One day at a time…
I’m a firm believer that we attract what we are and not what we desire. If we lack self love, empathy for self, respect for self, self-esteem, lack of self worth, etc., like a magnet those are the people we draw into into our life. Authentic love of self and connection of self is essential to receiving the love we deserve! Otherwise our actions will be such that we repel the very thing we desire and deserve rather than attract it. Alicia this is a great piece with so many important lessons to be learned. Thank you for the courage to share your growth and for the grace in the way that you do!
Thanks Kim…I so receive this!
I’m such a advocate of self-love and care! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. It’s so important that we take the time to grow and build ourselves. You can’t pour into other people when you are on ’empty’! Yay for falling in love with you because you are an AMAZING soul 🙂
Thanks Chianti…Takes an amazing soul to recognize and know another amazing soul :-)!
What an awesome read Alicia! I have definitely started to treat myself in the important and essential ways that I would want someone I was dating to treat me. I’m being more patient with myself, more forgiving, more loving and more understanding. I’m taking the time to make myself feel special, for example treating myself for a good pedicure, purchasing my favorite ice cream and not feeling guilty about how much of it I eat. Sleeping in late on a Saturday or Sunday, and even not feeling guilty about sometimes saying “No” when I just don’t feel like being that “go to” person for others. Just like you, I’m really beginning to love this new me 🙂 Thank you for sharing.
Thanks so much for sharing Terri…I am blessed that you have shared this journey with me, and it is a pretty remarkable journey once we truly embrace it!