Clarity is that momentum that has no resistance, and when you’re in that place of clarity, the feeling of what to do next is right there. -Abraham Hicks
I recently had an interaction with a very close friend, who is really more like a family member than friend. About seven years ago everything that defined our friendship was turned upside down and inside out primarily because of choices I made. As I began to feel more and more uncomfortable in my own skin and realized my choices were affecting my kids and how they viewed me, I created much needed boundaries for my heart and my life. Because up to that point I never communicated to her any of my discomfort throughout the years of our friendship, the changes that I put in to place hit her out of left field. And though we both have acknowledged things we could have done better, and have apologized for causing pain, I recently found even more clarity through her clarity. I think we both are sincerely sorry for causing each other pain, but I also realized that we still don’t fully understand the depth of the other’s pain…which is also ok…
One evening we were forced to discuss where we still find ourselves, and I mentioned something that was a source of frustration for me throughout our relationship. What she realized, and later shared with me, was that she had no idea I felt that way ever, and that though she has moved on with forgiveness for me and herself, there was something that always made her feel like there was “something” still there. That was powerful for her, but also very powerful for me. It wasn’t still there for me. I’ve dealt with so much of what the issues were, and most of them stemmed from me. Not her. I allowed myself to be a people pleaser, small and invisible. One day I decided not to be that anymore, and that had a direct impact on the very essence of our friendship. I’ve been able to move forward, but I sensed throughout various situations, that she was still wounded, and that those scars were not fully healed. Because my shift in everything that defined what our relationship was seven years ago was so abrupt, I can now understand why she might have felt like it was unwarranted, unfair, or even cruel at the time. Because of my lack of communication, she lacked insight into just how much pain and discomfort I was feeling.
Clarity doesn’t fix everything, but it is powerful. When you’ve invested your heart and soul into a relationship and that relationship abruptly changes, finding your way back to a place of safety is not always a clear path. What was will never be again, but what can be is still being defined.
I learned this lesson deeply this month as we celebrated my daughter’s graduation from high school. I had all of the people of my village here with me for three days. It was truly amazing! It was the first time since my journey off the porch (and separation) that friends and family members from both my husband and my sides were here…Together. I put so much energy and love into every aspect of the weekend. I wanted everyone to see that though our picture has changed, the love hasn’t. For the most part that was accomplished, and everyone left filled to the brim, but once everyone left and everything died down, I crashed. I crashed because though mission was accomplished, I realized the picture still had some very visible cracks. It really knocked me down for minute, but what picked me up again is the clarity that there is no PERFECT PICTURE…Life, healing, understanding, and clarity is infinite. I shed a few tears, allowed myself to feel disappointed, and then looked in the mirror and said, “Girl you’ve come too far and have done too much work to stay down!” I’ve created something real, something imperfect, and something honest and beautiful for my life and for my kids…Time to live in clarity, power, and imperfection!
My Takeaways:
- In trying to create a picture perfect space, I realized it’s easy to get caught up in the picture, and not what’s behind the picture…Keep it real, keep it honest, and stay grounded in the reality of what is and not what you want it to be.
- It’s ok to fall and even crash…just don’t stay down too long. Recognize the work you’ve done, acknowledge the work ahead, and keep it moving!
My Challenge for you:
- Is there something that has happened that you just don’t understand? What could you do to get clarity on the situation?
- Have a conversation? Be Still? Write it out? Cry and cleanse?
- Do something to gain clarity…It will give you power to take one more step toward healing!
